Baruch Hashem, we have a full house of lots of loud, little voices. During particularly silly moments, 2 yo and 3 yo love running in opposite circles until they bang into each other while letting out high pitched, shrieking screams. Three months ago, I let them do this for hours on end until they got tired of it on their own. Now, however, we have a little baby who is perpetually trying to get a good nap.
Most of the kids' running and screaming comes to an end when the baby cries and I announce, "You woke up the baby. Please be quiet for five minutes so I can put her back to sleep."
One afternoon, the kids quietly played with their puzzles in the den. All of a sudden, we heard the baby scream on the monitor, waking up abruptly from a nap. "Who woke her up????" 3 yo asked.
I felt a little drowned in guilt. It is perfectly normal for a baby to wake up from a nap. I had accustomed myself to react to her wake up cries by always placing blame. Now my children blame themselves or each other whenever she wakes up, and I am trying to undo my negative conditioning by teaching them that even if someone's actions did cause her to wake up, it is not nice to make them feel bad by saying it was their fault. The baby is awake. That is a fact. What good comes from placing blame? I probably did this instinctively, thinking that if I made a child feel guilty about waking up a baby, they might be more quiet or sensitive next time. When I think about this logically, I realize that a 2 yo or 3 yo will not stop in their moment of excitement, remember their guilt from a day before, and make a conscious decision to stop screaming. Instead, this guilt will just create a negative feeling associated with their Mom and their baby and a natural reaction to feeling this way is a desire to make others feel the same.
I appreciate the blessing of my children reflecting my negative trait of placing blame, so that I could recognize it in myself and make the conscious decision to minimize how often I bring this negative energy into our home.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
A frog slept next to my doll house
About a week ago, I walked into 3 yo's room to start the morning, and immediately she said to me, "Mommy - a frog slept next to my doll house all night! Then I woke up in the morning and it ran across my room and went back to its home." She seemed out of breath in telling me this story. I still don't know whether it was some sort of dream that she thought really happened or if she was applying her active imagination very early in the morning.
I responded with a similar level of excitement in my voice and said, "Wow, that must have been scary!"
She then looked at me very confused. "No Mommy, it was fun. The frog thinks my room is comfy too and it kept me company when I was sleeping."
"Oh, okay," I responded.
Ten minutes later, we went into 2 yo's room to say "Good morning," and 3 yo immediately reported, "A frog slept in my room last night! Right next to my dollhouse! It was sooooo scary!!!"
I've learned that sometimes it can be helpful to label a child's emotion for them, because they might not always know the words to use. Sometimes, however, I need to watch that I don't mislabel an emotion and create a negative association that wasn't there in the first place.
I responded with a similar level of excitement in my voice and said, "Wow, that must have been scary!"
She then looked at me very confused. "No Mommy, it was fun. The frog thinks my room is comfy too and it kept me company when I was sleeping."
"Oh, okay," I responded.
Ten minutes later, we went into 2 yo's room to say "Good morning," and 3 yo immediately reported, "A frog slept in my room last night! Right next to my dollhouse! It was sooooo scary!!!"
I've learned that sometimes it can be helpful to label a child's emotion for them, because they might not always know the words to use. Sometimes, however, I need to watch that I don't mislabel an emotion and create a negative association that wasn't there in the first place.
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